Bringing a Knife to a Gun Fight

In sharing my holistic approach to lawyering with some friends I was asked why clients would be interested in "bringing a knife to a gun fight?"  Good question.  

First, I need to clear up the mistaken premise my friend -- and others -- have, i.e., that issues of law are resolved through gun battles.  Quite the opposite, nearly every legal issue is resolved outside of the court house.  However, it is no wonder that people reach this erroneous conclusion; for that, we can thank all those legal dramas from television and movies.  For some, the perceived thrill comes from legal spellbinder, usually in paperback.  What nearly every truthful attorney will tell you is that being a lawyer is simply not that exciting.  I, myself, respond to the awed questioner asking "You're a lawyer?" with "Don't be too dazzled.  It's not as thrilling as you've been lead to believe."

If "gun fights" occur so very rarely, why bother with preparing for them, either emotionally or financially?  Instead of approaching an unavoidable legal event with antagonism -- say a criminal pre-trial conference or a divorce exchange of information required by mandatory discovery  -- the client of the holistic attorney goes into the event peacefully and -- most certainly -- without a gun. 

The client of the holistic attorney has already decided that the fight is not worth having because, in reality, a fight need not occur.  The pre-trial conference and the discovery exchange are part of the process; there is no avoiding these.  Why not embrace the possibility that the unavoidable can be civil?  Leave the gun and the knife at home. 

Comments?

What are your thoughts about this?  Would you be the type of client who wants to get through your legal crisis (real or imagined) in this way?  Feel free to comment below.

Can Divorce be Civil?

The Holistic Law Group understands that divorce is a difficult time even if the level of conflict is low.  In marriages where the conflict was -- or still is -- high, divorce seems like a wakeful nightmare. 

Couples decide to marry for lots of different reasons.  Divorce has just as many motivations.   Some wounds are too deep to heal at this time.  Some relationships bring out the worst in one or both partners.  And sometimes two people just take different paths and they recognize, often very painfully, that it is time to part ways and wish each other well on the next steps of their life journeys.  As the relationship ends, all the hopes and dreams of the relationship die with it.  It is a period of extreme grief and self-doubt.

For most people, the process of finding agreement is the biggest challenge in the divorce.  Strong emotions often get in the way of making thoughtful and necessary decisions.  The end of what had seemed like a "good decision," is frequently marred by bitterness, anger, and betrayal.  Both sadness and rage will make communication futile, if not impossible .  Moreover, most people have a hard time seeing that any agreement will allows both people to move on and be "o.k."

It is so very important for the divorcing couple to take charge of the details of their divorce, because the alternative is rarely satisfying.  Does anyone really want a stranger, in a black robe and on a bench, making the decisions?  

Some think that there is no possibility of working anything out ever again.  However, if children are entering the divorce as well, the parents must define a working relationship.  The failure to be "the grown-ups" in a divorce results in direct harm to everyone:  the parents and the children.  Even if the couple has no children, they likely shared friends, family, and a community.  

In essence, divorce is an official proclamation that a marriage has ended.  For the vast majority of couples, their marriage ends by way of contract -- specifically a "Separation Agreement."  This agreement spells out the division of marital property, child support and parenting time, and other issues, generally related to assets.

The Holistic Law Group uses conflict resolution and coaching tools to help couples, or individuals who wish to approach their soon-to-be ex-spouse, reasonable and workable agreements.  These agreements both bring closure to the marriage and a look to the future.

In many cases, the Holistic Law Group will enlist the help of professionals from other disciplines--therapists, child specialists, financial experts -- to assist the process.  The Holistic Law Group's commitment to each client is to help each client define his or her needs rather than make unrealistic demands.  The goal is to help create a win-win solution for all.

Comments?

Wouldn't getting divorced in this way be better for all involved?  Can you think of any problems with approaching divorce in this way?  Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

What is Holistic Law?

Holistic Law is a fresh approach to the practice of law.  Instead of regarding clients in a narrow ways, for examples:  "this criminal defendant" or "that one going through a divorce," the Holistic Lawyer focuses on legal issues through the lens of the whole person.  Conflicts and crises are seen as vehicles in which clients can growth and evolve.  Holistic Law can be transformative both for the client and to the entire practice of law.

Imagine a legal practice where peacemaking prevails over agitating.  Imagine a lawyer who is more concerned about a quick and fair end result for the client than racking up huge legal fees.  Imagine civility in the law.

The American justice system is an adversarial one; one based on fighting.  Plaintiff versus Defendant; The People/The State/The Commonwealth versus Defendant; Spouse versus Spouse.

Holistic Lawyering rejects the idea that in order to "win" a case someone needs to "lose."  The focus cannot be simply on what the "other side" did wrong.  Instead, the Holistic Lawyer takes a critical look at the client's role in the problem, works with the client to draw a client-focused solution, and assesses the effect of the problem on both the client and the community.